Here's the scenario: you get to see the new Star Wars movie for free, a week before everyone else in America, without waiting in line for tickets. Wait, there's more. You also get to write a review of it for nationally syndicated radio news. And read it on the air yourself. And get paid $150.

Yes, I am the luckiest girl I know, blessed with the coolest proposition I've ever encountered, as described above.

Fate smiled on me, a Star Wars fan, a movie-lover, a writer, and an aspiring journalist, when National Public Radio's news program All Things Considered called school this past May. Because The Phantom Menace is primarily a kids' movie, NPR was looking for a younger critical perspective to supplement that of their regular film critic Bob Mondello. So, on Tuesday, May 11, I headed downtown to the NPR offices where Mondello took me to the Wisconsin Avenue Cineplex Odeon with producer Debra Schifrin. The show that Tuesday was an exclusive Washington-area media screening, complete with four security checkpoints.

Inside about an hour early, I killed time chatting up some local press: Tom Shales, Rita Kempley, Desson Howe, Richard Harrington and Donna Britt of the Washington Post; Mike Clark of USA Today; Arch Campbell of Channel 4, WRC-TV. "I loved the first one, the first time I saw it it blew my mind," Kempley said. "But George Lucas, that head of his can get pretty big." Kempley then proceeded to give me some good advice about breaking into the news business.

Finally, the main event began.

As much as it pains me to say it, I think the experience of seeing it was better than the movie itself. Just the feeling of exclusivity among professional journalists was exciting, on top of a thoroughly entertaining piece of cinema. I then wrote my review, revising it over the phone with the producer several times. Writing for radio requires a terseness I'm not used to. I then recorded my piece six days later and was aired on two stations, nationwide.

Sadly, my week of privilege, having seen the most highly-anticipated movie of the year, or maybe the last five years, before any of my peers, is just a distant memory. But I do have a brief moment of radio stardom to call my own.

I've been to a galaxy far, far away, and all I can say is: it was better the first three times. The Phantom Menace: Episode 1, George Lucas' newest addition to the Star Wars trilogy, is fun, but the mindless kind.

Although the media saturation these last few months has been inescapable, here's a bare-bones plot summary in case you're somehow unaware: It's thirty years before Star Wars, and the evil Trade Federation is imposing an embargo on the peaceful planet Naboo as a result of a tax dispute. This seemingly dull economic conflict heats up when two Jedi knights (Liam Neeson as Qui-Gon Jinn and Ewan McGregor as a young Obi-Wan Kenobi) move in to regulate with their ubiquitous lightsabers.

After getting nowhere with the increasingly suspicious Trade Federation, our heroes carry Naboo queen Amidala (Natalie Portman) to safety. Along the way the band picks up a pseudo-reptilian sidekick Jar Jar Binks, in addition to Anakin Skywalker, destined for Darth Vaderhood. Anakin's lighting-fast reflexes and mechanical mind make him a star on Tattooine's podracing circuit; the podrace sequence is one of the most engaging in the film. As the group reaches the city planet Corsucant, the Queen attempts to plead her people's case before the Republic Senate, and much intergalactic mayhem ensues.

The one thing Episode 1 definitely has going for it-truly breathtaking special effects. Today's movie universe has made visually astounding fare like The Matrix commonplace-yet Episode 1's digital effects are surprising. The computer-generated element is blended smoothly into the film as spectacular vistas and lifelike digital characters dazzle. Artists employ an eclectic range of influences in their costumes, buildings and ships. One can spot traces of everything from 50's Cadillacs to neoclassical Italian architecture to traditional Asian apparel. This ingenious and stylized design even manages to make the starcruisers, from a time 30 years before the original Star Wars was set, seem quaintly old-fashioned.

But eye candy alone does not make a movie great, as is dismally demonstrated. Lucas' script is weak, much of the dialogue cheesy and flat. Jar Jar Binks, responsible for the "comic relief," delivers anything but. When you can actually catch what he's saying through a ridiculous and unintelligible quasi-Carribbean dialect, he reaches his wittiest with juvenile comebacks like "how rude!" This sophomoric style is reminiscent of an irritated Stephanie Tanner on Full House. The rest of the writing isn't much better.

Unfortunately, the acting does little to inject life into the stale script. Neeson is a standout, and you get the feeling McGregor would be excellent if he were given more to work with; but the rest of the cast remains nondescript, at times overshadowed by their animated costars. Newcomer Jake Lloyd shoulders the biggest burden, cast as the complex Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be wrestling inner demons, the forces of good and evil at battle within him, foreshadowing his imminent downfall; instead Lloyd's cardboard delivery was the weakest of the bunch, proving my theory that child actors are never good.

And that is why Episode 1 remains little more than a summer popcorn movie; the human element is not vital enough to elevate it to anything greater. Only select scenes really pack in that essential Star Wars magic, combining an interesting plot and exciting visuals with compelling characters.

The Jedi council portions, for example, had an extremely high cool quotient, the odd-couple pairing of Samuel L. Jackson as Jedi Mace Windu with a sprightly Yoda worth the price of admission. Any scene with Darth Maul also promises thrills. This new ubervillian, terrifying with a red and black face and seven little horns, is absolutely chilling. Played by martial arts expert Ray Park, Maul and his double-bladed light saber are nothing short of electrifying.

I only wish I could say the same for the rest of The Phantom Menace. Lucas' latest creative endeavor is definitely worth watching; Episode 1 is solidly entertaining, but by no means an instant classic. Despite my surge of excitement at the familiar Lucasfilm logo and John Williams score, Episode 1 somehow rings hollow. The Phantom Menace is missing that fundamental element that made the Star Wars trilogy so great: heart. Without it, it's just a movie.